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I had hoped it was a phase, or a chemical, or hormonal thing that women go through. After a few months of hoping, I decided it was time to learn the truth, regardless of the pain that went with it.The agency came very highly recommended. They were thorough, discreet, and very professional. I met with a manager for an hour and told him my fears and suspicions. Then I gave him a pretty good chunk of cash I had stashed away over the years.Originally, I was saving the money on the side to take Cynthia on a nice vacation for our twentieth anniversary. That was before the nagging doubts surfaced. Now I was spending the money on detectives to follow Cynthia and report any "inappropriate activity" back to me.'Inappropriate' encompasses such a wide range of activities. The truth was, I wanted to know if she was having an affair, and the agency understood that was what I wanted to know. We used euphemisms because it was less embarrassing, but we all knew the deal."I have to work late tonight,. . pleasecall."I sat looking at the machine and reached for the phone a few times. ThenI realized I couldn't call because I did not know what to say. I thoughtabout going for a walk but somehow ended up just looking out the window.I looked around and saw I had opened a beer but couldn't remember when.It was still cold so I drank it. I said, "I've got to talk with someone"and was halfway through dialing Robert's number when I realized what Iwas doing.In the end I just sat in my favorite chair and looked at the wall. Ikept thinking back to what Anne said the prior night. "Frankly the twoof you are in love, you just have different expectations" and "Sex isn'tsome people's thing but they do it out of love for the one they arewith."I stood up and went to my cramped little bathroom. It had a full lengthmirror and I took off my clothes except for my briefs. I tried toimagine myself as a woman.I was slender but not skinny. My shoulders weren't too broad but thenagain I had no hips. My beard.
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